As those with Alzheimer's and dementia begin to forget, it can be an emotionally challenging experience for the ones who love them most. Here you will discover some reflections and suggestions for coping with this immensely difficult transition.

Understanding the Process

Memory loss in Alzheimer's and dementia typically progresses through stages:

  • In early stages, people may have mild memory problems but can usually still recognize close family members.
  • In moderate stages, memory loss becomes more pronounced and they may struggle with names and faces, though recognition is still possible.
  • In late stages, people often begin to forget family members entirely.

It's important to remember that this forgetting is due to the physical degeneration of brain cells and neural pathways, not a choice or a reflection of their relationships.

Coping with Changing Relationships

As memory fades, our relationships with our loved ones inevitably change. Some ways to navigate this include:

  • Focusing on emotional connections rather than specific memories. Even when facts are forgotten, the feelings of love and closeness often remain.
  • Staying present in the moment rather than quizzing them about the past. Enjoy simple shared activities like listening to music together.
  • Letting go of expectations and accepting your loved one as they are now, without constantly trying to orient and reorient them.

Preserving Memories

While we can't stop memory loss, we can take steps to preserve memories:

  • Record stories, experiences and family history while your loved one is still able to share them.
  • Gather and organize old photos, videos and other mementos.
  • Write down your own memories of times shared together.

Self-Care for Caregivers Working Within Memory Care Environments

Watching a loved one forget can be heartbreaking. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, tending to your own needs may be the last thing on your mind.  But taking time for yourself can actually make you a better caregiver.  By finding small ways to lower your stress and improve your mood, you’ll have a better ability to care for someone else.  It's crucial for caregivers to:

  • Get active. Find something active that you enjoy, such as walking, dancing, gardening, or playing with a pet. 
  • Prioritize sleep. Aim to get 7-9 hours of sleep each night.  Develop a relaxing bedtime routine to make it easier to sleep.
  • Reduce stress. Experiment with relaxation techniques like meditation or yoga.
  • Make time to relax. Set aside time each week to do something that has nothing to do with your caregiving responsibilities. This might include listening to music, watching a light-hearted TV show, or doing an arts and crafts project. 
  • Be kind to yourself. You’re not expected to be happy all of the time.  Feeling sadness, frustration, and guilt are all normal and understandable.  Try writing your feelings down in a journal or talking with a friend.
  • Reach out for support.  You might consider talking to a trusted family member or friend or seek out therapy from a mental health professional.  You could join an online or in-person support group for caregivers.  These people will understand what you are going through and may have helpful suggestions or advice. 

Remember that your loved one’s forgetfulness doesn't diminish your relationship or shared history.

Finding Meaning

Though painful, this profound experience can also be an opportunity for growth:

  1. Appreciate the preciousness of memories and relationships.
  2. Develop greater patience, compassion and ability to live in the present moment.
  3. Reflect on your own priorities, values and overall meaning of life.

While you can't change the progression of memory loss, you can choose how to respond to it. By focusing on the love that remains, preserving what memories you can, and finding meaning in the journey, you can navigate this difficult transition with resilience.

And you don’t have to do it alone.  At TCARE, we work closely with those who are caring for their loved ones to be sure they are receiving support through that process. We provide resources, strategies, and individualized support to the people we work with and have found that it makes it easier for them to care for their loved ones.

Here you can learn more about what to expect from working with us: https://www.tcare.ai/resources/tcare/getting-started 

If you have not already connected with TCARE, we invite you to schedule a free call with a specialist today. Our team is ready for a quick discussion to help us discover how we can make your caregiving journey a more manageable and fulfilling experience.